Winning in Marriage Part Eleven

Fresh Manna© by Pastor Tim Burt
http://readfreshmanna.blogspot.com/

2 Peter 1:8 “For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

I started this series saying this so I finish this series saying this. As bad as we want to, we can’t get m right without God’s help and the leading of His Holy Spirit. We need His divine power to help us as promised in 2 Peter 1:3-8 “… His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness…” This verse continues where we left of Tuesday in your effort to bring your marriage to the top of its game saying… “But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith … perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love.”

How do these virtues tie in? Be diligent and persevere in learning what puts love in your spouses love bank and likewise, learning to avoid what provokes and produces conflict. Anything we work hard at and according to knowledge for a good length of time, we eventually become better and then good at. In time it just becomes part of our instinctive behavior. You will develop instincts and good practices at being a good spouse if you work hard at it. In time it will become much easier and marriage will become a blessing and not a curse. We are to add our diligent effort in faith that it will produce results. God’s power will help you.

This verse also says to add “godliness.” Wives want husbands to develop a more Christ-like character. They also want them to take a spiritual lead. They want them to sit down and initiate reading the Bible or praying together. This elevates the perception of the husband in the eyes of most wives (that love God of course.) Guys, this doesn’t mean you have to be a spiritual giant or understand profound spiritual truths. It means you stop at a Christian bookstore, pick up a daily devotional that would also relate to your wife, and then say, “honey, let’s sit down after dinner and read through this devotional together.” It might take five minutes to read. You might talk about it together for a few minutes and then pray from your heart together to ask God to help you in what you talked about. That is not rocket science yet God says in Matthew 18:20, “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” God will honor your faith and effort and be there to hear and answer your prayers and speak to your heart. It can be powerful and yet it is simple!

Guys, if you really want to climb this mountain, pick up a children’s Bible and read them a few stories. You’ll find out that you are learning the stories as you read to them and trust me – I’ve been there – the Holy Spirit will speak to you through these kids books. They will actually help you grow spiritually. If your wife sees you doing that, she will be thanking God for her man!

Husbands want their wives to become more godly in character. Honestly to most men, that simply means to be more respecting and honoring of them. Ladies, you have God given instincts on how to make your man feel love and appreciated. Just let what comes natural flow through you. A man may not always say much, but he appreciates a godly wife that also brings God into his children’s life. He himself doesn’t want to be “preached at.” Encouragement without making him feel like he is already failing at something helps him greatly. I recently dropped some weight in trying to get back to my running weight. Renee hasn’t been saying things remind me about eating. She has just made and had better and healthier foods around for me to grab and snack on. She’s also made it a point to tell me I am looking good! That is a great encouragement to me. That is also godly character because she has learned to encourage without nagging or bringing condemnation.

Finally this verse says to add “brotherly kindness.” How does “brotherly kindness” work into a marriage? These words carry the meaning or displaying appropriate attitude and behavior consistently. It means a life without temperamental outbursts or mood swings. It has more to do with someone always looking out for your best interests as we see in Philip. 2:4 “Don’t think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing.” We all know what kindness is and what being mean or rude is. Let kindness and exhortation to each other become your pattern of life and if you do, your marriage will thrive.

What I have written about these past few days are the things Renee and I became diligent in and persevered with all our hearts. We found out that it takes more draining energy and emotion to live a sloppy and defeated marriage than it does to live a great marriage. The power of God helped us be kind and do kind things – when we felt like it and even when we didn’t feel like it. The power of God helped us listen to the leading of the Holy Spirit rather than our mind and emotions provoking us – protecting us from potentially explosive moments. The power of God helped us shut up when we needed to. God helped us to just go on pause and let our emotions calm down until we could think clearly and minimize issues rather than turn every little thing into a mountain of strife. His power in us helped us develop a beautiful marriage from what started as pure chaos.

If you work at it, then today’s Fresh Manna verse will come true for you in your relationship with God and in the success of your marriage. 2 Peter 1:8 “For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

In His Love,
Pastor Tim Burt
http://readfreshmanna.blogspot.com/

Published by Pastor Tim Burt
Copyright© 2007 Tim Burt, All rights reserved.

What is Fresh Manna? God’s Word – the Bible, should be exciting and alive to us. God wants to speak to us through His Holy Spirit and give us a fresh word from heaven every day. Fresh Manna is a daily devotional – that nourishment of daily bread from His heart to ours!

Winning in Marriage Part Ten

Fresh Manna© by Pastor Tim Burt
http://readfreshmanna.blogspot.com/

1 Peter 3:7 “Likewise, you husbands, dwell with them (your wives) according to knowledge…”

Many years ago, I tried investing in the stock market. If I were to be perfectly honest, I really didn’t know what I was doing. Oh, I understood the mechanics of how to, but didn’t really have the financial understanding of a companies value and balance sheet and the kinds of things that are necessary to know for prudent investing. That makes investing in the stock market in that case, more like gambling. You don’t invest in a company simply because you like their toothpaste. There are many other factors to understand. After getting burned pretty bad, I had two choices, get out and stay out or take the time to learn what I was doing. Renee wanted me to get out of investing on my own and I agreed. Our investing today is through a financial advisor.

Marriage can be very similar. I mean how hard are the mechanics? Get married and come home with your wife or husband, right? That may be the mechanics of it but marriage is anything but simply coming home with your marriage partner. That is why God through His Word tells us, “Likewise, you husbands, dwell with them (your wives) according to knowledge…” (1 Peter 3:7) This of course applies both ways. Guys, the word knowledge here is first referring to really taking the time to know and understand your wife. Understand what love means to her. Does it just mean sex? Of course not but some men act like it does. What are the things that contribute to helping your wife feel loved? Does it mean spending more quality time with her? Does it mean helping her around the house and with the kids? Does it mean sweet touches of affection such as a card or note or flowers? Does it mean that she desires the affirmation of respect and kind words of the love you so you have for her and expressing often how beautiful she is to you? (The answer to that one is absolutely yes and always!) Does it mean touches of affection? A pleasant greeting in the morning with a kiss (brush your teeth first) telling her you love her. Or a back rub (that doesn’t have to finish with sex.) Or a warm embrace when you come home leaving the days work behind you? Or your holding her hand while out for a walk or while walking through the shopping mall. These are all expressions of love to most women and help put love in the love bank.

When you live with your wife according to knowledge, it’s your job to a) find out which of these she cares most for and, b) execute them consistently at some level. It doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be simple and still produce great results. Take out a piece of paper and a pen and scribble a note saying, “I was thanking God for such a precious wife as you this morning.” How hard is that? How much did that cost? How long did it take to write that? How much value did it bring to your marriage? Far more than you could imagine. Oh yea, and if you haven’t figured out which of those touches of love your wife most appreciates, asking her is the best way to find out, but take note of this. Whichever of these touches of love she gives to you most often, is often what she herself really wants.

Of course this all applies in reverse to women toward their husband. Learn what He loves and learn to avoid what he hates or provokes him. Learn to adapt to what is important to him as he should learn to adapt to what is important to you. This is learning to dwell with your spouse according to knowledge.

Does the effort this take reap benefits for you? Absolutely! It helps keep your prayers from being hindered and sets you up to receive the promises of God’s blessing upon your life. 1 Peter 3:7 “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.“

If you have ever read through the blessing God has always wanted for His children in Deut. Chapter 8, they are highly motivating. I never wanted anything to get in their way. I did not want our inheritance hindered. Consequently it was imperative to me that we learn to flow in love, not strife. I worked hard on changing me. I worked hard on loving my wife. She worked hard in return. From where we have come feels like we’ve climbed Mt. Everest.

Tomorrow I’ll add the wrap up to all this and I pray that you will be patience with yourself, that you’ll lean on God’s strength and divine power, and that you’ll be diligent to pursue a great and godly marriage. God knows what He is doing and is trying to help us learn it. More tomorrow…

In His Love,
Pastor Tim Burt
http://readfreshmanna.blogspot.com/

Published by Pastor Tim Burt
Copyright© 2007 Tim Burt, All rights reserved.

What is Fresh Manna? God’s Word – the Bible, should be exciting and alive to us. God wants to speak to us through His Holy Spirit and give us a fresh word from heaven every day. Fresh Manna is a daily devotional – that nourishment of daily bread from His heart to ours!

Winning in Marriage Part Eight

Fresh Manna© by Pastor Tim Burt
http://readfreshmanna.blogspot.com/

2 Peter 1:3 (NIV) “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness.”

Have you ever been in a place when someone was trying to explain and teach you how to do something and it seemed very confusing and complicated. Maybe you almost felt like saying, “Can you just show me how to do this?” My personal belief is that is how most Christians feel when it comes to living out their Christianity. “Please, just tell and show me how to be a good Christian.” “Please, just tell and show me how to be a godly husband and father.” “Please, just tell and show me how to be a man or woman that is pleasing to God.”

Jesus is our ultimate role model but people that have strived to be Christ-like can be gifts from God to help us see and learn how to walk areas of our life out. For me personally, I’ve been blessed to have had role models to learn from for particular areas of my life. It’s something to pray for. Ask God to give you true role models. Don’t try to get to close to them. You will see their flaws. Every person has their flaws. But when God shows you that person that appears to excel in an area that you want to become more Christ like in, watch and learn from a distance or from as close as you can without getting too close. Some people do make good role models, but no one is perfect and everyone has flaws. Get too close and Satan will make sure you start to see only their flaws. Look at what they do right most of the time and they will be someone you can learn from. Have mercy and overlook the rest.

When I was only sixteen years old I met my first real Christian. He was a business man I worked for and he had qualities that stood out and that helped shape who I would become. One great quality was that he loved God and hated evil. He wasn’t overly verbal about it but he put his money where his mouth was. There were things he wouldn’t do or sell in his business that could have made him much more money – things that everyone else did do or sell! Playboys and pornography is an example. He hated what they represented and wouldn’t sell them even though they’d generate more income. That stood out to me. I will never forget him or the influence he had on my life.

Then there is my present Senior Pastor whom I have worked along side for almost twenty-five years. He is the greatest leader I have ever known. It’s why I’ve always stayed put. I’ve loved working for and learning from him. I never stop learning. His wife has had the same influence as she is one of the greatest women of prayer I have ever known. Their influence has helped me become a better leader and committed prayer.

There are other people that are like this – people that have influence and helped shape my life in particular areas. They have managed to take what Jesus taught and live it in a way that I desire to emulate. These kinds of people have been like gold to my development. I’ve had the Word of God, the example of Jesus, and then flesh and blood people that have given it their best whom I want to learn from.

When it came to the role models we needed for Marriage, I never saw a marriage that jumped out at me as the role model to follow. I wished I had as we needed so much help along the way. Instead Renee and I pressed into God’s Word to try and emulate what we could see in God’s Word that would help us possibly become a marriage that others would want to model. There are some verses I want to share with you next time that truly helped us establish a successful marriage. I’ll share them with you shortly. Today I want to leave this one verse as the foundation for that success. It’s found in 2 Peter 1:3. “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness.”

This verse says God’s divine power – not our own strength would help us walk out what we need to become. I took God at His Word and said, “I am not lacking in wisdom or strength. I can change and be a godly husband in God’s wisdom because I have His divine power working in me.” That was my absolute rock solid starting place and place I’d return to whenever trouble reared its head. I would not move from it – even when it appeared I was failing. I’d resist the devil and say, “No devil, even though I succumbed to your stupid temptation and said something stupid to my wife, I will ask God and my wife to forgive me, I’ll ask her how to do this better, and God’s power in me will help me get it right. His power will even help me clean up this mess when I feel like a failure. I have God’s power. His Word says “His divine power has given me everything I need for life and godliness…” This is settled. I refuse discouragement. I refuse the thoughts of failure. I love my wife. I will get this right in Jesus name.

I continued to methodically go through the steps that God laid out in His Word that said if I do them I’d grow, learn, and eventually win – “For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (2 Peter 1:8) I’ll finish up this series and go through those steps next week.

In His Love,
Pastor Tim Burt
http://readfreshmanna.blogspot.com/

Published by Pastor Tim Burt
Copyright© 2007 Tim Burt, All rights reserved.

What is Fresh Manna? God’s Word – the Bible, should be exciting and alive to us. God wants to speak to us through His Holy Spirit and give us a fresh word from heaven every day. Fresh Manna is a daily devotional – that nourishment of daily bread from His heart to ours!